I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
