you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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