I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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