dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
