This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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