waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
