your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You dont lie about slip and slides
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
