it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
