holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
