So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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