he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
