Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
