I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
