So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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