Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
