I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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