She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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