end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
