i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I have so many feelings about this burrito
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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