I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
