my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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