it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
