after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
