dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize