So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
