Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Less talking, more tequila
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
