Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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