i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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