i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize