just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
