where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
