did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
