but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
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She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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