I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
