the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
