so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i dont even know how to be here
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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