I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
