i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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