i think my mom watched the whole time
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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