Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
birth control should be required to get into college
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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