I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
