and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
