We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
this will be a night to untag.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize