You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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