doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
