Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
