dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
