Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
