You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize