You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
