I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
