Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
