Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
