i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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