he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
