K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
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