Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
