And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
