Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
