Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The air taste purple.
Randomize
