mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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