im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
