Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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