I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
where are my pants?
in the oven.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
