Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
